(Here is a poinless pic of me to illustrate my post)
“You’ll change your mind”.
Do you know what these are?
They are the worst four words you can say to someone after they have told you they do not want children. For a start, you are completely invalidating what they are telling you as if it means nothing. If someone told you they felt really sad, you wouldn’t say “no you don’t” would you?
The second reason saying this is absolutely bullshit is because why should they? Why SHOULD a woman’s life goal be to have children? Why are you the odd one out if you don’t want to spend two years wiping someone else’s arse? It’s mad, but some people really that having kids should be a woman’s soul ambition in life. My soul ambition in life is to have a house in the Philippines. The first time I read my favourite book in the whole world I was in awe. The main character lives so totally and utterly for himself, it reminded me of me exactly.
Have I ever wanted kids?
Nope. I’ve never been maternal. As far as I am aware I probably had the obligatory toy pram and dolly toy when I was really little, but I was never much in to them. As I hit my teenage years and people used to say “I can’t wait to grow up and have kids” and I used to think “I can’t wait to have a work laptop and a full bank account”. I think most people (including my Nan) assumed that I’d grow out of it, but the truth is I am 31 now and I still don’t want any (if not I want them less). Not just because I’m single. I didn’t even want kids when I was with the love of my life. It’s not something I am waiting for the right one for. My life has been lovely, and I have had the privilege of having been in love twice, but neither time inspired me to procreate. People look at women with kids and believe the perfect like but I look at people with kids and think “good for you but I wouldn’t cope with being that tied down”. The maternal bug has well and truly never bitten me and it really surprises me how not OK people are when you say you never ever ever ever want kids.
Whenever I tell someone this they look at me as if I have pissed on their entire family. Even pretty liberal people think I’m joking or will eventually change my mind. But I won’t. It’s just not something that is in my future and I don’t want it to be. Considering people seem to want an explanation when I say I don’t want any, here are the 3 main reasons:
I LOVE money. Call me materialistic if you want, NOT CARE. Making money is one of my favourite things. Colleagues often ask me why I work through lunch, but the truth is I am not doing my day job work. I am usually catching up on freelance work or paid blogging. To me, making money is just as fun as spending it. I couldn’t imagine anything worse than having to spend all of my money on someone else for the rest of my life and not getting anything in return.
My friends all have kids
My best friends in the world are between my age and 35. All of them have children, some have just one and my best friend has three kids. They range from ages nearly two to fifteen. It’s so cute because they are all growing up together and they are all best friends too. But sometimes it isn’t because they live in each other’s pockets and bicker and guess what? That’s not my problem haha. 99% of the time though they are really well-behaved. I get my quota of cuteness from them as well. One of the things I love about the group of kids we have is that they are all funny and have great senses of humour. We took one of my best friends little girls to see the Lion King the other week and she had me laughing the whole trip.
I want to further my career
By day, I am a programmatic trader at the third largest advertising agency in the world. By night, I am a blogger, vlogger and podcaster. That doesn’t leave a lot of room for anything else time-wise and I have forgot to feed my Mums cats before now. My day job is basically my dream job and I still pinch myself when I walk into the office each day. I didn’t do a degree in advertising or marketing so I have slowly worked my tits off to get where I am now. I don’t see why I would put in that much effort to give it all up again. As well as my role as a programmatic trader I take on some freelance marketing and work on my own London lifestyle blog, my endometriosis podcast and my comedy Youtube channel. I’d say that this is probably the first time in my life I am happy with each individual part of it. I’m blessed with my career, I’m blessed with my family and more than anything I am blessed with friends who never ever let me get lonely.
I probably can’t have them now anyway
Recently I got told I have endometriosis. Although I got told this they didn’t specifically say I couldn’t have kids, but at my age it is probably likely. Endometriosis at my age could indeed leave me infertile, but I probably won’t have my fertility tested as I really do not want children.
Why it’s rude to say I’ll change my mind…
It’s rude because, it’s rude. It is actually like saying “you are crazy and in the wrong if you don’t want children”. Why should everyone have to want to have children? The world would be a boring place if we were all the same. Just because you grew up wanting two boys and a girl called Ralph, Jake and Summer it doesn’t mean that everyone with a vagine shares the same ambition.