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(Here’s a picture of me dicking about on a scooter at work to illustrate my point about keeping it chilled in Janaury)
Welcome huns, so here you are, at the arse-end of Christmas reading my blog on the 138th day of January. It isn’t a month that has got much going for it. In fact, the 20th of January is meant to be the most depressing day of the year. I don’t think you will find one person on the face of this earth that actually LIKES January, but I’ve put together some tips that hopefully will help you survive.
Mug dry January and veganuary right off
Now, don’t get me wrong animal lovers, I’m not saying murdering animals is right. But if you do need to murder them, surely January is a better month than any? Doing them a favour ain’t you? (by the way I’m just being controversial, I actually love animals and do at least three meat-free days a week). The thing is, it’s a terribly hard time to restrict yourself of things like alcohol and meat. I”m planning a meat-free month this year as I was veggie for a year before I became unwell, but I’m going to do it in summer, when salads are more bearable and all that vitamin D is helping the old energy levels. It’s the same with alcohol. I gave up alcohol for anxiety completely two and a half years ago, but even though I managed that, when I did drink I would have never completed dry January.
Treat yourself when you get paid
I’m buying myself a new set of decks and speakers when I get paid at the end of January. The way I see it, I have waited for so long to get paid I deserve a treat. Something to look forward to. Should I be saving for holiday? Absolutely. Am I going to? Nope. I’ll just do what I did for my last trip to the Philippines and rush around doing freelance work the week before. NOT CARE!
I sat on the tube this morning and I couldn’t help but realise, people were a lot more peopley in January. Ideally, one day I’ll be rich and can take the entire month of January off, hidden in the spa I like open out of season in Marbella, at the top of a hill, overlooking the sea. But until any of us can do that, I’d advise just avoiding people as much as possible.
Get bang on the flu capsules
EVERYONE is ill in January. It’s the law. Try and avoid it by dosing yourself up at the first sign of the plague. Not that I am advocating taking medication for nothing. Please don’t develop a flu capsule addiction and blame me. I just don’t want your germs if I have to sit next to you on the C2C.
Please don’t make your child have a January birthday
So you can count right? Well then conceive considerately and don’t stick your poor kid with a January birthday. Do the right thing people! My Mum’s birthday is in January and it isn’t good times for her.
Make sure work know not to expect much for you
I’m not trying to get employee of the month in January, but at least I manage expectations.
Get involved with the lottery
Me and the girls are doing the Euromillions, Irish Lottery and People’s Postcode Lottery. Now to be honest, we are never going to win because our numbers are our group of friends birthdays and none of the silly twats were born on the 44th so we keep losing. But how nice is it to sit in the group chat on a drizzly January day speculating about what you are going to buy? I’m going to buy an island and put huge gates on it so no-one can bother me, and just get unlimited books delivered. Heaven!
Make yourself a playlist of absolute bangers
I wouldn’t have got through January thus far without downloading some complete toe-tappers to my Spotify. I’ve got a bit into Amazon music of late as well because they have some hard-to-find house music albums I like. Music gets me through the day, so I would strongly suggest getting your favourite songs on your iPhone and blanking out the rest of the world. May I suggest a bit of Celly D for the tube? My Heart Will Go On is pretty calming if you are on the central line underneath someone’s sweaty pit.
Get your tits out and do a shot
This is one of my best friend Lauren’s favourite sayings. It’s never steered us far wrong.
Send a bit of love to my Youtube channel and I will adopt a unicorn in your name.