10 things no one tells you about growing up. . . . .

1. Being ‘Independent’ means being skint.

It means walking around a supermarket thinking ‘fuck are tomatoes really that much? Day light robbery’. You don’t realize how much of a non existent dent your housekeeping makes into to monthly outgoings until you have to fend for yourself and start shopping on a budget.

2. You have to ‘work’ for your money.

This is a simple fact of life. If you hate your job, chances are its good money. If you love your job, chances are the money isn’t great. In the grown up world, there are very few people who wake up on a Monday who think ‘Yessssss, work’. If they do, you will find that they earn around £3 an hour or probably make jewellery or art out of seaweed.

3. ALL of your appliances will break at once.

Yep. When you live on your own, the washing machine will lock and start flooding at exactly the same time your fridge is fucked and the toaster sets on fire. Unless you have a bucket and a mangle and keep all your stuff in a cool box in the garden, you really need to have some savings.

NB: this is also the time your car will need a service/mot/new set of tyres.

4. You no longer look sane if you go to the park and go on the swings.

Not to mention you may get stuck. There are no instances to look sane in a park over the age of 12. I found this out the hard way after having passed out on a pirate ship slide at a party a few months ago.

5. You no longer get time to yourself.

None. Remember when you used to chill out and read a book, or cook, FOR FUN? Well, no more. When you come home from work there will be an endless list of tasks waiting for you, kids, pets, partner etc. By time you sit down of an evening it will be so late you will have missed all the soaps and all that will be on will be documentary’s about world war two and the shopping channel.

6. If you are a woman, and you don’t want to get married or have children, you will have to anyway to stop people asking if you are a lesbian.

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