Placenta Anyone?

One of the things I love about my group of friends is our ability to talk absolute shit when we are together.

When we went away from the weekend, one of my favourite quotes was from my friend Lara, who was sober at the time who asked ‘Have we got anything milky to drink….like milk?’.

It’s nice to have friends you can go out and get wrecked with, but I have learned in the last 2 years, true friendship is being able to sit around stone cold sober and Google ‘Can you sniff Pro plus?’.

Last night, I wasn’t remotely uncomfortable about having to go round my friend Lisa’s sober.

She cooked us an amazing dinner, and I also was not uncomfortable about eating in front of everyone, as I am not one of ‘those’ people who believes if you eat in front of someone you will spontaneously combust and leave your pancreas on the ceiling.

What DOES make me uncomfortable though, is talking about childbirth. Even though I have ovaries, I do not want children.

1. Because I do not like children. There are 6 children in this world I like, that came out of 3 of my friends, and even they seemed louder last night without a bottle of red in my bloodstream.

2. I am a baby. I don’t even like the thought of constipation. Childbirth just does NOT fly with me.

I have a very manly point of view on childbirth. I believe a woman should go into a room, give birth, let me think of it much like a crumpet popping from a toaster, and then let it become something we never mention again, like the time they changed Irene for a bit in Home and Away, the time the government got it a bit wrong about Iraq having nuclear weapons and started a war for no reason, and how my Nan used to shave her eyebrows off and draw them back on.

It makes me feel light headed. I don’t need to hear things like ‘some people eat the placenta don’t they?’ while I’m trying to drink a Friday night coffee.

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2 Comments

  1. claire Rozee
    January 18, 2014 / 11:57 am

    Haha witty as ever Kelly!
    And totally understand kids are not for everyone.
    However I was blessed with a rare “good child” slept through the night from 2 weeks old, went straight from nappy to toilet – no pee pee in the potty! No fussy eating – he eats anything and everything.
    Never been clingy, never wet the bed.
    And this is why I only have 1 child, because I know if I produce another little Rozee that child will be “the devil”
    Know when to stop and appreciate what you have.

  2. Dorbs
    January 18, 2014 / 4:57 pm

    Totally agree kids aren’t for all.
    I have a dog, she’s a gorgeous little fluffy Husky X Collie, 1 brown eye 1 blue. She makes me giggle with her scatty moments, keeps me fit as I have to walk/run her, gives me cuddles, and will quite happily snooze next to me when I’m hanging out of my backside!

    I may have kids one day but for now.. She’s my fur-kid!

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