I am that unfortunate person…

I am unlucky. I never win on scratch cards.

If I drop buttered toast its ALWAYS butter side down. I know people say it always lands that way because it’s science, believe me its not, I’ve witnessed people drop butter side up and nonchalantly go about their day.

I am the type of person that this happens to: Standing in Asda today and two women stop for a chat and a trolley reshuffle, blocking the entire isle. Asking them to excuse me didn’t help because neither of them had their hearing aids turned up.

This ALWAYS happens to me. When I got to the till, I was behind a couple who were both obviously Titanic survivors. I honestly have nothing but love for old people and I know they cant help being slower but does it ALWAYS have to be me behind them?

I’m also the one who ALWAYS opens the door to the god squad. They always catch me. Not being impolite enough to tell them to go away, I then end up in a 45 minute conversation with a woman called Karen who now comes back regularly to talk about God.

I don’t believe in God.

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