Working in London is the dream for some people and by some people, I do mean me. But as much as I love working in London, I don’t have much choice as the only decent jobs for a programmatic trader like me are not very widespread in Essex. The thing is, I moan about it all day every day (yeah my Twitter is a delightful place), but I love the moan.
Make peace with the expense – you will never be able to afford it.
Yeah, a coffee is approximately £4.00 and any lunch not from a supermarket will cost a small fortune. The good thing is the bus in London is £1.50 so if all that is near your offices are trendy avocado restaurants that serve Kombucha in a shoe then jump on the bus to Sainsbury’s and start loving those Nectar points!
Choose a weapon for the commute.
I accidentally (read “accidentally”) hit someone with my huge umbrella the other day and it worked a treat. I’m not advocating severe violence, especially in the current climate. But if your gym bag is a bit big and you got a bit bashy bashy with the silly bint that trod on your feet on the escalator I’m sure you could be forgiven. Another trick I employ is by having super loud music so people simply do not want to sit next to me. This can’t be achieved with fancy expensive airpods, you will need an iPhone adaptor
because in my experience they are louder.
Try and learn as much as possible about Kale.
The further west you get the more hipster the people are. If you work around Fenchurch Street you might be lucky and be surrounded by wonderful Essex folk who share your love of bacon sarnies. If not, either get bang on the Kale or start learning some shiz about hot yoga.
Visit at least one of these so you fit in before you start. All-Star Lanes, Sushi Samba, Kricket or at LEAST at a bare minimum a Home Slice.
Bluebird is also acceptable and there are two now. Some of you will have never heard of these places but trust me they are talking topics. Puttshack London is also another one worth mentioning and it’s a fun night out with the team, to be honest.
Learn to deal with a later lunch. It’s just a thing.
When I worked in care I had a glorious noon lunch and lived 30 seconds away from home. Now my commute is 1.5 hours and I don’t go to lunch until 1.00 pm, as that is lunchtime at my company. One of the ways I remedy this is by stuffing my face on the C2C. I usually go for a Boost bar, so sorry if you have ever got stuck next to me on the C2C in the morning and I’m eating chocolate at 7.45 am.
Plan your route so that you can avoid the central line, but try to jump on it once a week so you can join in the complaints with your colleagues.
For the number of people on the central line, I generally tend not to believe people who say “I never use the central line”. The central line is the most horrific line and the commuters on there are ruthless. To give you an idea, I recently found out my chronic pain condition allows me to have a “please offer me a seat badge” as tfl named my condition in one of their “all on the board” campaigns. I had this on show waiting at Bank the other day and a man shoved me (like fully used his hand to push me out of the way) and got my space. I had to wait for the next one. I don’t know what is wrong with people because the central line runs about every 23 seconds. You’re not going to be late for your fucking meeting Kevin, have a day off.
Try not to worry if every time you exit Bank you end up somewhere new. Think of it as a fun game.
It’s taken me nearly 4 years to get used to Bank. Note this is only Bank. I kind of know how to get to Fenchurch Street from all of the Bank exits now, but the Monument ones are another matter.
Be prepared to be looked down upon for enjoying the simplicity of a Tesco meal deal.
People come into my work with the maddest lunches. Like quinoa salads and shit. I always feel a tad embarrassed when I am microwaving my leftover pasta with half a block of cheese grated on it.
Learn how to talk about dogs in great detail.
People in London love a cheeky dog. God knows why, probably because they can’t push in front of them in the queue at Pret.
Try not to die in the summer.
Because all of the buildings retain heat, London is approximately 353 degrees hotter than anywhere else in the UK. If your office hasn’t got aircon you are going to have to get a REALLY strong roll-on unless you want to be moaned about on the C2C page.
If you are looking for a little side hustle to make the expense of the city more bearable, I recently wrote a post on making extra cash.
If you like my rambling on my blog my Youtube is just a lot more of me chatting rubbish.