When signing up for Cancer Research’s Dryathlon, I assumed that going out with friends would be the toughest test to stay dry.
What I didn’t envision was how much alcohol had becone a force of habit.
‘Oh I’ll just have a Baileys to help me sleep’ oop, no, doing Dryathlon.
My second alternative to get a good nights kip while having a chest infection and breathing like Darth Vader running the marathon was some Nytol, which were pretty amazing, and I am now considering conducting all my nights out while off my tits on them.
Another benefit is how entertaining you find the little things in life while sober.
The cat doing a gravity defying, spontaneous backflip certainly provided hours of fun.
I’m still laughing now.
Yes, I know the above doesn’t seem like a challenge for most people, as there are some people out there who have stayed sober for the entirety of their lives (Like Jesus), but it is fair to say, I do like a drink.
I kicked off my ‘Dryathlon’ going home from New Years Eve at 11pm because I felt ill. I had mixed emotions about this turn of events, however it was nice to wake up without having to do the ‘Clothestacle Course’ to go and throw up in the toilet.
NB: for those who don’t know, the ‘Clothestacle Course’ is what you have to navigate through in the morning to get to the bathroom after doing the ‘Stripper on Ice’
NB: The ‘Stripper on Ice’ dance is what you do, when you come in at 4am all mortal, start taking your clothes off to get into bed, but sway around like a Titanic passenger and leave a trail of clothes around the room but still end up in bed naked with your earrings on.
This is just a polite note to the BBC, if ‘Strippers on Ice’ does become a primetime programme I will be using this blog as evidence that you stole my idea, although not if you invite Vanessa Feltz to take part as I would hate to be responsible for the public having to see her growler.
Another nice part of today was to wake up to normal standard SMS messaging from friends such as ‘How are you feeling’ etc, and not ‘You were sick on my table last night’ or ‘you got naked in my kitchen’
So, if you are one of many people who deffo does not believe I can hack it sober, please sponsor me so I can prove you wrong: