9 Spa Etiquette Tips

We all love a spa. It has been built into us since cavemen times, when they used to throw off their loin cloths and sit in hot springs.

Alright I made that up a bit, but we all do love a spa still, so here’s ten tips on keeping your cool. Especially if you visit a posh one.

1. Know where you can and cant be naked.

Also try and use your initiative. Sauna, no.Pool, no (or yes if you want to be arrested). Changing room yes but please time limit yourself. I have just got home from a spa day, in which I walked into a changing room to woman standing gossiping start bollock naked about the spinning class. After showering I came out, and she was still running around clotheless so close to me I swear her growler actually smiled at me. There is also a safety concern here. Even if the sauna is empty, bits WILL burn.


2. Don’t piss in the pool or Jacuzzi.

It sounds obvious, but so so many people still do it. I know it might warm you up a bit, and you might think you are doing it subtly by still swimming, but its not hygienic. If you need to pee either go and do it in the toilet or go and do it in the kids pool which is made of 97% urine anyway and a good way to get back at them for being noisy little shits. Logging off is a complete and utter no obviously but I thought I would mention it especially for anyone from Basildon.


3. Be prepared for the awkward squelching noise your costume makes when you sit down in the steam room.

It sounds like a cross between a normal fart and a fanny fart and usually comes out louder if you try and avoid it. Just embrace it, and try and make the situation entertaining for yourself by saying ‘ooooh that will be the cabbage’.


4. Don’t be dirty.

Seriously, those poor people who are doing your treatments have to TOUCH YOU. You could at least do them a favour by not going into the treatment room smelling like a week old food recycling bin and looking like Worzel Gummage. If you are going to go and use the gym (because we ALL do that on spa days don’t we?) you could at least shower after.


5. Don’t take in a hundred screaming children.

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