Yesterday, I counted up all of the things I’d eaten in an entire day, and I was a mix of impressed and disgusted. No matter how much I promise myself every morning that I will eat healthily so things stop ‘jiggling’, I unfortunately end up having an accident and eating 20 packs of chewits, a small dog and everything in the office. I’ve boiled it down to the fact I just genuinely like food. I’m not ashamed of it, and I think I probably am not the only one out there. So here you are, here’s 8 things I think you’ll identify with if you love food as much as me.
- You think about what you are going to eat for the whole day as soon as you wake up.
My first thought the minute I open my eyes every morning is what I’m going to put in my face that day. I know quite a few romantics who say their loved one is the first thing on their mind, and even when I wasn’t single this simply wasn’t the case. As soon as my eyes open I’m mentally calculating when I bought the bread in the fridge at work and if it’s still ok for me to have marmite on toast this morning, thinking about what I want for lunch and what meat to defrost for dinner. I’d actually say I’ve got my whole day of eating planned out before Sean does the sports roundup on Good Morning Britain.
- All of your friends know to bring food if they come to see you.
Anyone close to you knows how much you love food, so instead of bringing wine like a normal person they know if they are going to come to yours they absolutely need to bring Dairylea Dunkers or Doritos. Your house has an ‘open door’ policy but that door will remain shut unless the guest has some sort of treats.
- You like other people’s Birthdays better than your own.
When it’s your Birthday, you have to buy shit loads of food and take it into the office. I’ve never got that but there you go. When it’s someone else’s, they have to bring in hordes of food into the office for no apparent reason. As a food lover, this naturally means you enjoy other people’s Birthday’s more than your own, where you are fobbed off with one cake. I used to work in an office where I sat directly behind the table people used to put food on their birthdays. It was a glorious time.
- Your favourite food being on offer makes you happy.
Some people love food shopping, some people hate it. But the one thing every food lover has in common is that if you go into a supermarket and your favourite food is on offer, it makes you happy for the rest of the week. I’m quite partial to rice, so when I see it on offer I get incredibly happy and buy enough to feed half the street. Which wouldn’t happen as I live around all OAPS who class rice as ‘that foreign food’.
- You only look forward to occasions because of the food.
Christmas? YASSSSSSSS stuffing and pigs in blankets. Easter? YASSSS chocolate. Summer? YASSSSSSSSS BBQ season. Tuesday? YASSSSSSSS 3 bags Walkers Salt and Vinegar.
You get my drift.
- You can handle food waste.
We don’t even have a food waste bin in our house. A recycling man knocked once and said ‘what do you do with your food waste’ and I said ‘we don’t have any we eat it all’. As a food lover you will be pure horrified when you see someone leave half their meal. Even if they saved it and ate it later, which is surely what us food lovers would do. Cold mashed potato? So not above that!
- You don’t know what it’s like to not be hungry.
When you offer someone food, and they say ‘no thanks I’m not hungry’. What is that actually about? Seriously, how can you not be hungry? I’m hungry every 24 seconds, and if you don’t feed me every two hours I will have a massive strop. I’ve never EVER experienced the feeling of not being hungry, and frankly it’s not something I want to try.
- Manners go out of the window.
You know that polite thing people do for each other when you are out for a
meal and you wait for each others food to come before you eat?
No. Me either.