We’ve all been there. It’s a stressful day at work. and you’ve asked someone who has repeatedly let you down do the simplest of tasks because your work load is too big. Yet again they have failed to do it because they were pissing around rather than working, and they make you look like the unorganised one. Yep, it’s coming. You are going to have a bitch fit. There are loads of things that are put on this earth to test us. Loud chewers on the train. People who push in the queue. People who get a bit brave on social media and throw some shade your way. But do you REALLY feel better if you lose your temper? If you are anything like me usually you will feel ten times worse knowing you have given the other person a reaction. I’ve long since learned that being nice as pie to people who insist on trying to get me to lose my shit with them makes me feel better and actually winds them up more. So next time someone is getting on every single one of your trillion nerves try some of these.
This may sound super obvious but it really is one of the most effective. Someone annoying you on the train? Move seats. Colleague getting on your tits? Go for a break or take a walk. I often find if I am teetering on the verge of losing my temper, simply removing myself from the situation makes me feel ten times better. If you don’t need to go back to the situation then great – enjoy your day. If you do you will have calmed down considerably and be in a position to deal with this like an adult.
Try a bit of role reversal
In your head this situation is something that would understandably annoy anyone, but do you really think your annoyer is setting out to do this on purpose? They probably didn’t intend to make your day any harder. Most people don’t don’t go out of their way to intentionally annoy people (some do – and it is ok to use the last of the kettle water in these people’s tea when it hasn’t been descaled for months). A lot of People just don’t think about the knock on consequences of their actions. Try and understand where they are coming from and why they have acted the way they have.
Side note: if it is a loud chewer on the train or bus, karate chop their food out of their hands and run.
Look to the future
Try and play out how this scenario will go if you do lose your temper. Think about what will happen in an hour or two hours time. It is likely you will have severely upset someone and probably feel quite bad about it. Now think about what will happen if you just bite your tongue and walk away. You’ll probably go home and vent to your partner; then forget all about it. The next time you see the person that has seriously wound you up at least things won’t be awkward.
I don’t mean just whack yourself down on the floor and start meditating in the middle of a situation but if it helps go for it – the person who is triggering you will certainly be baffled. Meditation in general can help to change your outlook on life and if you do it regularly, it can help you learn lots of techniques to use in day to day life to remain calm in testing situations.
Picture someone you love seeing you really angry
When someone is majorly getting on your tits you are not likely to care what they think of you. So what if you look like a cross between the Incredible Hulk and Gemma Collins when you are angry? Who cares – this person is an idiot and they should feel the full force of your rage. The person you are angry with is probably a monumental idiot so why should you care if they see you during the very unflattering time of being irrationally angry? Well you won’t care. But you may care if someone you love or admire saw you losing your temper. Think about the person you love the most in the world and how disappointed you would be if they saw you calling Sandra from accounts a dimwitted bellend?
I’ve only just discovered personally how good it is to unleash my day’s little rages at the gym. When someone aggravates you smile and nod, walk away, and then later on after work go to the gym and get on the treadmill then run like the wind while you fantasise about putting a months worth of Sennakot in someones tea. You would be surprised at how much stress and anger you can release at the gym as exercise releases endorphins so by the time you get round to having a swim and a sauna you will have forgotten all about whatever it is that has rubbed you up the wrong way today.
Warn people first (calmly)
If someone really is insistent on pressing your buttons all day every day, pick a moment when you are feeling calm and they haven’t annoyed you too much, take them aside, and have a chat. Explain to them that they are actually making you feel quite stressed and wound up and you are having to focus quite a lot of energy on not losing your temper. Hopefully, if this person isn’t a total dick, they should understand that you really are trying your hardest with them to make an effort not cause an atmosphere between you both. Again if someone is eating loud on the train you are well within your rights to confiscate their food.
Recognise what triggers your anger
Although all of these tips work really well when you are just about to lose your temper there is something you can do before any of this happens, and that is to recognise what triggers you into having a bitch fit. If you lose your temper quite rarely and it really is just a case of having an annoying sibling or colleague then it will be likely you have this under control. If you feel like you are losing your temper a lot over small things that never used to bother you – then it could be time to go and see your GP and get referred for some counselling or CBT.