The Christmas presents are open, and the Turkey is cooking. In about three hours, you will be slumped in a food coma watching the Polar Express without even the energy to drink your prosecco and you will realize Christmas is over. Yep, all of that excitement and money, and in a mere 7 hours all of the build-up is over.
You may have plans for Boxing Day, or you may, like me, spend every year laying on the living room floor hungover eating Turkey sandwiches. Depending on what day Christmas falls on, you may be lucky. You may be able to escape the drudgery and get back to work straight after. But this year, the boring agony is prolonged and no one goes back until Tuesday. And even if you hate your job, you must at least slightly agree, this time of year is SO WEIRD.
You kind of plod about, in a post-Christmas daze wondering how safe all the stuff in your fridge wrapped in foil is to eat now and if you should go back to eating proper dinners or just grazing on twiglets until they are all gone. Even if you do want to go back to proper dinners, because you may or may not actually turn green skinned after all the stuffing, are the shops open?
Was Saturday Boxing Day? Is it normal Sunday hours? What about Monday? Literally, wtf is Monday classed as if Boxing Day is on a Saturday?
Maybe you will kill some time and go and shop in the sales, but after the stress of all the Christmas shopping, you don’t know if you can face a sweaty elbow (yes, this HAS happened to me, and YES there are people out there that ACTUALLY sweat on their elbows) in your face just to get £2.50 off of an Urban Decay Brow Beater.
You could kill the time going for a nice, brisk walk, but instead of sunshine and snow, this year, we are being treated to lovely ‘get’s dark at 2pm and makes everywhere look a bit murdery’ weather, and to be honest, you are going to get run over by a six year old on a Segway anyway. Or hoverboard. Or whatever the kids call the dangerous pissing things.
Going down the gym is not going to happen either. Even for the most enthusiastic, seasoned gym goer, who actually GOES to the gym between Christmas and New Year? There’s still all the shit Celebrations like the bounty ones and the weird dark chocolate that no one likes to attend to in the sweet bowl. When you think about the fact that you need to do approximately 7 hours on the treadmill to burn off a Christmas dinner, is it really worth it, because even though Christmas Day has been and gone you are still walking past the fridge picking on the questionable Turkey and pigs in blankets? You KNOW that you are going to look like a potato in your New Year’s Eve outfit, but that’s another thing you haven’t actually organised yet. You could end up just staying in your pajamas at home scaring the shit out of the cats with party poppers.
During this week, everything starts on the 1st of January. Diets, not drinking, giving up being an arsehole and learning that new language. So my advice for this week? Eat everything in sight and worry about next year, next year.