Ho ho ho, that time of year is upon us! No, not Christmas itself, but Christmas work do season. The Christmas work do, that elusive night out that has the potential to scare the shit out of you and excite you in completely equal measure. Is it me as well, or are they getting earlier and earlier each year? We might have ours in June next year, save the aggro. Anyway, here are some of your most common queries answered.
What shall I wear?
This obviously depends on where you are actually going, as a glamorous dress is probably not first choice if you are going paint balling, so you will have to use a bit of initiative in this area. Most people go out for dinner, dancing and drinks, so you need to plan your outfit carefully otherwise you run the risk of high up managers finding out what a total slut you dress like socially. You also don’t want to dress that nice that your colleagues get suspicious and wonder where you got all your money from, and thinking you get paid more than them on the sly.
If you are going to dinner and drinks, be very careful about thinking a dress is a viable option. It could only take one false move during a particularly excitable ‘Macerna’ situation and the image of you flashing your growler could be etched into the weird guy from accounts who wears the over coats brain forever.
If I could make a sensible suggestion, a jumpsuit with a pair of heels is a safe, and comfortable option. After all, you don’t want to be donning bodycon while attacking the all you can eat Indian buffet. Florence and Fred at Tesco are doing some lovely, affordable jumpsuits this party season http://www.clothingattesco.com/women/playsuits+jumpsuits/icat/womens-playsuits so make sure you have a look.
Is it safe to get drunk?
In my opinion it is ALWAYS safe to get drunk and absolutely nothing could go wrong. That is obviously sarcasm. Being honest though, do you genuinely believe that being drunk would make you anymore of a massive helmet than you are when you are sober? What could really be the worst that could happen if you down a few jagers and tell your boss you think its an infringement on your human rights that you only get a half hour lunch break.
There’s not really a lot you can do about acting a massive tit when you are drunk in front of the people you spend every day with, but if you can help the hangover it’s probably a bonus. I use Fresh Start Capsules to stop that little hangover headache.
Shall I bring my partner?
This also depends on variable factors. If you are close to your colleagues and you tend to slag off your other half for leaving the toilet seat up and spitting toothpaste all over the sink, by all means take him, but warn your colleagues first not to mention it. There’s noting worse than the harmless work partner banter becoming a source of absolute murders the next day when you cant remember everything and your mouth feels like Gandhi’s flip flop.
On the flipside, if you think how you act around your work mates is going to embarrass you in front of your partner, maybe you need to stop acting such a twat at work or get a new partner.
Try and integrate your partner and make them feel one of the team. Try and leave them with the over friendly bloke from IT rather than the busty receptionist though, the last thing you want is needing ‘Relate’ counselling because you took your other half to a work do.
(here’s the link if you need it: http://www.relate.org.uk/)
Is it cheeky to expect a free bar?
If you get paid about what I do, then no, no it is not cheeky to expect a free bar. In fact, if you get paid what I do, you shouldn’t expect a free bar, you should expect a gold bar. Or a holiday to Dubai. Or a Land Rover. However, if you do have to make do with a free bar, try and have some decorum. No one likes the person who rinses the free bar dry leaving them to pay £4.95 for a pinot grigio.
Do the classy thing and either take some vodka in your handbag or get smashed before you go.
If you are going to take your own, you can get some great hip flasks here: http://www.notonthehighstreet.com/garden/picnics-barbecues/flasks?gclid=CjwKEAiA74qkBRCdrM-6or7U73QSJABCDL9puZ33GtdSpoWROqUdCsnfs9S5v45eIMyXu03SM1ahnxoCH8rw_wcB
Is singing ‘Show Me Heaven’ or ‘Like a Virgin’ on karaoke after several beverages a good idea?
If you have a voice like Lauren Platt off X Factor, then by all means, get yourself on that karaoke and show yourself off. The reality is though, after a few drinks, do you really sound as great as you think?
Can you really afford to have a video of you singing (screaming) ‘Ring My Bell’ going viral around the office?
Bet this poor lass didn’t realize she would get 10,000 hits for being abysmal.
Shall I eat as much as I normally do or restrain myself?
If you think you are fooling anyone pretending you don’t eat a lot, think back to the other week when someone got McDonalds breakfast in and saw you annihilate 2 hash browns and a sausage mcmuffin. Also, no one is fooled by your casual claims you ‘don’t eat biscuits’ because it seems funny how they keep going missing when you are in the staff room.
Everyone’s going to be too pissed to notice you finishing off your colleagues cheese and crackers anyway, so you might as well crack on.
Sort yourself out some Spanx and don’t worry about it: http://www.spanx.co.uk/shop/?gclid=CjwKEAiA74qkBRCdrM-6or7U73QSJABCDL9pyG5wp8_VCDYVRkry15XgEJIZWMw3JjYgj9Em04QuXRoCY8Lw_wcB
What if the people I work with find out I’m a massive loser?
Trust me they know.