Food Shopping (American translation: Grocery Shopping)

As a nation, we have an extremely love hate relationship with supermarkets. I touched on this in an earlier blog (http://confessionsofasoberessexgirl.co.uk/2014/01/03/healthy-body-healthy-mind/) but today I would like to fully explore to the types of shopper.

Type A: Will be characteristically running round the supermarket with a trolley like Usain Bolt doing supermarket sweep. Will look very sweaty and stressed, usually has kids/husband/pets in tow.

Type B: (Myself) Will be trotting around like they have all the time in the world, look calm enough to perform cardio-thoracic surgery, may even throw in a sing along to the radio, and certainly will do a few lift feet ups and swing on the trolleys.

I don’t know why I find supermarkets peaceful, I always have. Even when I was in the Philippines, I went nearly every day. Although I did participate in the typically British tradition of travelling 10,000 miles away and getting excited when I found English food.

”OMG they’ve got Percy Pigs.. PERCY PIGS ..lets buy 7 bags”.

Today I approached my Nan’s weekly food shop much in the way I’d approach a holiday to the Bahamas. After nearly getting salmonella from a tomato in the café that probably went out of date when Marge Thatch was PM, and nearly getting a venereal disease from the toilets, I made my way downstairs to start my task.

Thinking of things to pointlessly spend my money on is a hobby of mine, so I thought I would check out the candles.

Although Asda wasn’t busy in itself, there was a large hold up in the candle isle. I like to always try and figure out a reason for things otherwise they bug me, so I assume that due to the impending storm people were stocking up on tea lights. I also assume, that most of these people’s mentality, was if we have to live by candle light, why not do it by ‘summer breeze’ candlelight, so we can close our eyes and pretend we are in a tropical country.

I like to do this by putting cocktail umbrellas in all my drinks and wearing sunglasses in December.

If like me, you are a Type B shopper, one of your favourite things about your shopping trip will be listening to other peoples conversations.

”No, I’m alright, I’ve got a chicken. Don’t worry I’m fine as long as I’ve got a chicken” (Just to confirm, she’s alright if she’s got a chicken….and who isn’t?).

”I’m not paying that for a pork chop, I’m really not” (to confirm this particular shopper put a pack of pork chops in their trolley 10 seconds later).

”I’m not getting that sauce again that went right through me”.

Cheers for the info. A lot of Type B’s will probably have fun eavesdropping on me actually. I am one of those sinfully annoying people who talks to themselves while shopping. I did, however, learn today, that as appropriate it is to walk along saying to myself ”4 to 6 muffins 4 to 6 muffins”, it is NOT as acceptable to walk around saying ”Where the fuck are the Viennese whirls” which was confirmed by the lady standing next to me with her 4 year old’s horrified expression. She was obviously a Type A.

So there you go, love or hate. No one thinks food shopping is ‘alright’.

If you are a Type A, and you find shopping stressful and sweaty, hang in there. It could be worse. Surely going to Asda’s is easier than stalking prey for hours, clubbing it to death, skinning it and cooking it on an open fire like they had to thousands of years ago. Unless you need to make a Pot Noodle, which are far more difficult due to it being scientifically impossible to stop them staying crispy.

If you are a Type B, like me, and you find shopping relaxing (unless you need candles or Viennese whirls), go forth, shop, and please share your experiences with me.

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