10 things no one tells you about losing weight
10 things no one tells you about losing weight.
(Disclaimer: these are my opinions. I am not a qualified medical professional. The only medical advice I AM qualified to give you, is that Cranberry juice alone will not get rid of it).
1. Don’t eat shit.
This one sounds obvious right? WRONG. There are so many diets out there advocating cheat days. So many celebs ‘oh I don’t deny myself anything’. What they DON’T tell you is that when they have chocolate, they have one tiny square and not an entire family size Galaxy. if you are going to have a cheat day and have a cheesecake sandwich and 6 cheeseburgers you are OBVIOUSLY not going to lose weight. It’s also worth noting, that simply educating yourself on healthy food will help. Imagine my horror the other day when I found out there was over 200 calories in one bagel. (Or as my Nan calls them Beagles). I always thought bagels with lashings of cream cheese was what Olympic runners with washboard stomachs eat, but alas that is not the case. I have one single, solitary New York Bagel left in me cupboard and he looks more lonely than Lee Ryan’s online dating profile.
2. You have to exercise for AGES.
You have to exercise for around an hour to burn off one Freddo. So see above, could you imagine how long you have to exercise to burn off all of the things you ate on a cheat day? You would need to run from here to approximately Ukraine to burn off six cheeseburger. That 15 minutes you do at the gym before fucking it off to go in the sauna won’t even burn off a boiled egg.
3. Food that’s good for you doesn’t taste of anything.
Take spinach for example. Does anyone actually ever CRAVE spinach? or lettuce. Lettuce to me tastes like putting my face in the grass in my back garden. Lets face it, cows eat that shit all day and they are massive, so there’s really no hope for us.
4. It’s not just calories you need to looks out for.
The health world has come to decide, that as well as calories, there is a LOT more we should be looking out for. it’s just been in the news that we need to look out for sugar more than calories. Sugar is the new crack. Throw everything with sugar out right now. Give it to the cats. Stop having sugar in your coffee. Stop putting the Polio vaccination on sugar cubes. It will kill more than it cures. There are also calories from fat. Put your hands up if you know what that means? thought so. Transfats. what the fuck are transfats? Are they robots? To be honest, the only person who knows what all this means is Gillian McKeith, and look what good it did her:
6. Celebrities have personal trainers, nutritionists and all the time in the world.